(chest) painmid 2000

(shooting chest pain)
you failed
to come through
when i needed you
to attack my misery
and arrest its will
but now you've come much stronger
than i expected
and your timing couldn't have been worse
because i don't need you
to consume me
now
and forever
i've got the beat down
my chin up
and my eyes
on tomorrow.

backpackfall 2000

i just want to
walk down the street
in a short sleeve collared shirt
silver hoop in each ear
big jeans
and my backpack
with the sun
and a hundred people
like me
past antonio's
and turn the corner
at the fleet bank intersection
past pasta y basta,
the college bookstore
where i wrote my third check
with her by my side,
the barber shop she was always
willing to drive me to,
and into newbury comics
fight the urge
to buy everything
while finding comfort
in my lack of responsibility
and the endless possibilities
i once knew
but never again
will i experience
such bliss
i miss
my
backpack

1414 jxmid 2000

red light
you and i
and the vibrating
rearview mirror
are in this together
am i the only one
who notices
the monotony
of
my daze
is taking
it's toll
maybe
i'll slam on the gas
hope you don't mind
1414 jx

alonemid 2000

wanted to be
alone
with my thoughts
stroll
down the street
but the cars wouldn't stop
passing me
headlights interrupting
scrambled memories
slept in
my first bedroom
last night
twenty years later
hope
you don't mind
dad
a therapy topic
you are
drifting
through
your life
and ours
mom sits quietly
on her bed
watching tv
with the dog
thought i'd brighten
her evening
with some company
her smile was
all the confirmation
i needed
but i got
so much more
breakfast
clean clothes
and a simple trip
to the car wash
can mean so much
if you let it
and i left her alone
i only wanted
the same.

hostageearly 2000

i've been held hostage
for a while now
by myself
and i'm not quite sure
what i'm demanding
but i know i haven't met it yet
and i hope this gets resolved soon
because i'm afraid
it's only going to get uglier

too true to be goodearly 2000

i was only following your lead
when i tore our relationship apart
looking for answers
in the mess on my hands
this mess
that you created
but what i found
i already knew
i never fell in love with you
i plummeted
amd i prey it's only a matter of time
before i make my way
out of this pit
but it's such a long climb to the top
and i'm being held down
by this heart of mine
too true to be good

753ZTW

swimsuit bug shields
don't taste like
rice crispies
don't sound like
3rd edition textbooks
don't smell like
european huffy jr. fenders
don't feel like
21 rioting college protestors in spain
on
the
steps
of the chavuto.

team hamadawhang july 28 2003

i'm gonna need some workthrough
with you.
let's make decisions.
do you want to eat something
that we have in the house now
or something that is not in the house
and if you want to eat something
that's not in the house
do you want to eat it where it is
or do you want to bring it into the house
and eat it?
"absolutely super," he said to sr. bleu rooms.
maybe if i knew what the beef stick was
i would use it.
close my eyes
and count to 6.5.
i bet excitement doesn't remember me.
this shit has got to stop.
leave me fetal, please.

july 17 2003

"too much chinese tonight,"
says says a stomach
who hasn't had a muffin
since canton was home.
is there a dunkin' donuts
in hong kong?
maybe kenny would know.
you could drive a bmw
if you lived with his parents.
would people call you larry
if your name was clarence?

i haven't merely killed
brain cells.
i've slaughtered them.
awesome-lee.
brain dead jared.
my future is a monster under the bed.
mediterranean boat crashes
steer the ship clear.
lay me down forever -
i cannot relate to you.
no fish sandwiches
past 10pm.
scoops,
shovels,
and afro picks all agree.
front seat boomboxes
are the way to go.
plan your cds before the trip
and avoid swerve accidents.
next stop on the tour of spectacles:
baghdad.

august 25 2003

lonely does no justice
to the feeling
that crashes over me
everynight
after i swith off
the lamp
and head to
an empty bed.
i miss her
more than i know
how to handle.
i wish
she was here
laughing at me.
i miss
her laugh.
our phone conversations
reflect the stress
we feel
to figure out
our future
as fast as
we can.
this bed
is too big
for me alone.
tomorrow
haunts
my dreams.

a message from the present(ly) tense

miss so many.
little interaction during
days who obviously
share the same parents.
want to gather
with barbequed food,
and good music,
and laughlaughlaugh.
gotta fit everything
into 48 hr packets.

counting summer 2000 ms

if you had to summarize
yourself in one word,
what would it be?
texaco.
stroking.
pushpops.
wow.
veranda.

{three words?}
ooh and aah.
strike the fish.
slam the pots.
sweet ass, baby!
al roker gots.

{five?}
oh wow,
six pack again.
porcupines drop farts
- feverishly, flavorlessly.
the dentists talk
to anteaters.

{six?}
my god,
she dropped chism flablat.
please keep my ponytails
under wraps.
dejection, rejection
is a state today.

{eight?}
give me the keys
to your car,
drunkass.
funnels of life
fill me with strife,
wife.
if she lifts her head,
i won't puke.

{nine?}
creamy flavors of velvet skies
make me wanna die.
if i had to do this again
i wouldn't.

{ten?}
if you had to describe this,
what would it be?

{eleven?}
never underestimate the will
of a man who has no arms.

june 28 2000

my life thus far
has been a waste
half by choice
half by circumstance
and i'd like her
not to save me
but to enlarge
my tiny world
as i've tried it
myself
or maybe just thought
about it
by myself
and it looms impossible
above my head
where i stand
i hope
i'm worth it.

june 23 2000 red ink i kms

i don't have to be anything.
you balance him.
there's another seat
available for you.
make the triangle stable.
he makes me do a lot of
work for him.
this guy here...
i work for you
you work for him
the other arm takes the
lighter.
no, put it back.

i don't know if i'd do
that for my girlfriend.
i don't get any pleasure
out of this physically.
if you were cooking
you'd be chicken livbit.
we never talk about our
personal lives.
most of the time we were
being stupid.

june 23 2000 red ink ii

realistically, it's not a good
way to look at it.
no water.
nooooo water!
does it enrich the brain?
there's one fog
over the two-headed
tigercoon.
the cabinets have been full
for 12 minutes.
red, go in the front!
i'm so glad i'm here.
every single object around
you is you.

have you ever been to
chatanooga?
before that, it was called
kahula.
yeah motherfucker!
kahula times!
yeah!
bring me the kahula.
everybody's looking for the
kahula.
it just looked like it needed to
be shut.
now they're laughing.

june 23 2000 red ink iii

this is a sign from god
but it looks like a devil
and smells like a kitty.
i can't remember why
i'm doing this.
what about that shit you
have on your face?
the goggles.
that's a fucking tigercoon.
c'mon man.
really mean it.
i wanna be a tigercoon.
toilet's full of shit again.
an interesting look though.
you can be a tigercoon
24 hrs a day.

get the contact lense.
you look like the little
home improvement kid.
none of our games make sense.
what the hell is inchworm?
why were you pointing outside?
i love you for this.
you have the least hair.
what the hell do you do
with the cabinets
after twelve minutes?

june 23 2000 red ink iv

are you going to bring it
to the bathtub?
just sit and wiggle.
oombala!
umbaloola!
are we going to be like
this for a long time?
can i switch your
eyes back and forth
just for a half hour?
i have no intentions
of hurting you.

beat me!
foolish pickle sprayer.
this way or that way?
this way.
oh my.
i am the foolish
pickle sprayer!!!!!
i like the merry-go-round.
pass the red
elvis commemorative plate.
sometimes my frosted flakes
look like you.
a foody bong doo.
i don't want a dirty sheet.
i'm not smelling your socks.
you're wasting a good
piece of whatever that is.

circa end of may 2000

the way you taste the beef
is the most correct way.
no water.
no water.
this is what i'm going to do for you,
man.
i'm going to pour this on you.
can i pour a soda on you?
i took the whole thing man.
eyes like fucking there,
all there man.
i probably said 5 words,
same fucking night, man.
yeah, you totally convince me.
high book talk to math shit.
let's go look at the shit, man.
no!!

i used to get my car towed
there all the time.
i just walk on the bus and ask
a simple question:
do you drive a black acura?
i don't know how to talk
to small people.
i promised him i gotta go.
i gotta go, you know?
you still got wet nipples
and you wet your pants.
oh,
i just came from my friend's
house.
we had a good time.

june 1 2000 red ink

wave to the dea turtle
on the edge of the
turnpike
because i'm not comfortable
in this stage
of my life.
i smell pigs feet
and you see a dead kitty
so we're on the same page.
we'll swat the flies
out of your window
because the drummers
are dropping like them.
excuse me
while i go
for a quick
drown.

june 1 2000

ive been more specific
lately
when i look back
and i find
myself
lying on the couch
blinded by the
stereo lights
and def to everything
but
the soft guitar
coming from
my speakers
and if she walked in
right now
she'd be impressed
with my position
and my taste for good music.